In this case, allow women to be self-confident in their bodies without doubt, mistrust, or disdain for their confidence. I think a lot of what holds women back in some areas of life is other women. "I had to go through the horror of experience X, so you will too!" is a destructive social construct. It should be no surprise to you that I also think hazing is one of the worst things we do to people we should be supporting. Passing tests for a purpose is one thing, but beating people down because you were and you don't want to look retroactively silly is unconscionable.
This is also the same self-reflection that I used when I realized that I needed to decide whether or not to be homophobic and chose not. Previously, I'd only ever knee-jerked my reaction. Once I thought about it and realized that my societally conditioned response wasn't fair or helpful, I set about changing it. Some changes come easily and some are hard fought. Helping ourselves and other people see the beauty of themselves should be something to strive for.
One of the best things I learned from my communications class at Harvard Extension (where you too can get a Harvard degree! for cheap!) was this sequence
- Unconscious Incorrect (UI)
- Conscious Incorrect (CI)
- Conscious Correct (CC)
- Unconscious Correct (UC)
If it's something you're learning new rather than changing, you might even start at the CC stage. But for new learning or re-learning, going slow correctly allows you to build the skill to do it faster correctly. Like in practicing the piano, it usually involves taking longer to do something. Yes, it can be frustrating because it's slower than you're used to, or slower than you do other stuff. Eventually you get consistently to the CC stage where you do things the right way, but you always realize it and it still takes a bit of effort on your part, which can make if feel slower even if it's not. The real party should happen when you move to the UC phase - but it often doesn't because "unconscious" means you've stopped thinking about strutting your stuff the way you want to! These stages aren't fully clean. The next time you want to change something and are frustrated by how long it takes, think of this sequence and how far along it you are. It might be that it looks more like UI, CI, UI, CI, CI, CI, CC, CI, CC, CI, CC, CC, CC, CI, CC, CC, CC, UC, CC, CC, UC, UC. Think about how often you've done it right and give yourself props for even realizing you need to change, even if you don't do it right yet. And be nice to you - and your friends.