I'll do it Myself!

This has been my mantra since I first started to talk. But I've decided that I no longer want to do everything myself. I'm pretty good at being on my own. But there are some things I just don't enjoy doing alone. I can go out to eat on my own just fine, shop, drive, swim. But I don't tend to watch movies, go for walks, or declutter my space unless I have someone else around.

I think with the movie thing is because I don't like to choose to go sit in the dark without someone else nudging me to. Walking is something I find incredibly boring - my mind races immediately with all the things I'd rather be doing. Even walking from the front door to my parking space at work I often call my brother for a quick chat about inconsequentials. But the decluttering, no matter how useful, I just hate doing, unless I have someone helping me out.

When I do organizing jobs by myself, I feel like I've been locked away being a recluse so I tend to avoid them even though I feel lots more relaxed after the tasks are done, and all of my stuff has a place to be. I think I have some (not so sub-)conscious desire to always be available to do anything but what I am doing. So when I deliberately decide to take on large projects or go to a movie, I'm locking myself in by choosing one thing over another. And above all other things, I have difficulty being decisive. So I do the little things, the transient things, and avoid making commitments to big jobs. Like last weekend, when instead of getting out my very own DVD and watching the Bourne Supremacy, I noticed it was on TV and watched it because it was it was on, independent from my choosing it to be, commercials and all.

The irony of my lack of decisiveness is that I spend more time dreading the big jobs than it would take to do them and wear myself out mentally in the process. Or I spend so much time doing other "quick things" that I don't do what I need to get done to achieve my goals. Sometimes reminding myself of my goals helps. Setting goals helps. Sometimes I just like to watch TV. Or blog.

Here's the current punch list of stuff I should be doing:

• declutter and file LR papers
  
• figure out itinerary for 4/7.
  
• finish glass website
  
• finish sending out "I've moved" updates
  
• unload that last box of CDs
  
• repaint the LR, move the desk and 2 bookshelves to make way for couch
  
• buy my couch
  
• organize and build shelves for outdoor closet
  
• power wash the patio
  
• pester my friend and architect about kitchen plans
  

Back on the East Coast, I'd hired an organizationally minded college student to come over for a few hours every few weeks to help me get projects done. It worked amazingly well. It's kind of how I picture my married friends getting projects done, although I can't say for sure. But having two people on a project is so much more satisfying and motivating for me. So I spent a few minutes checking out C.raigsl.ist for PAs today. (Although if anyone feels like helping out with these things, come on over!) But I'm going to spend the next half hour finishing up that Match Profile once and for all. While Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.

---

BIG NEWS! Doesn't fit with my "I'm so ronery" post, but I have to post it because it's the better of the two things I have to say today:

My brother just won "Salesman of the Year" for his entire company!!! It was announced at their national meeting. He was expecting best in his region, but not this! What can I say? The kid loves his nurses and selling colon scopes.