I Has an Angry

I try to maintain a positive outlook. When something odd happens, I try to see why someone would choose to do it. I might not agree, but I try to see why. But recently, I try to say reasonable things about topics that mean a lot to me and I get worked into a lather and become unreasonable. I know that frustration works me up like nothing else, but this doesn't feel like it's just frustration. I need to right my keel and let go of some anger before I become poison. Yet the anger keeps surprising me, making it hard to head off.

1) I just posted a huge rant about mortgage bailouts on the Freakonomics blog. It was supposed to be a question. If all goes well the moderators won't allow it.

2) I had an explosion at our anti-harassment training when someone said something inappropriate. I called it out and mentioned that it wasn't appropriate, but I was shaking with rage. It happened to be something that has gotten a free pass on TV, newswire, and radio, so when I heard it again I flipped. I started ok, but it went really south. Sadly, I don't even think I made my point.

3) At lunch last week, it took them something like 35 minutes to bring me a sandwich at a Chilis that was not quite half full. My fellow diners had completely finished their meals before mine arrived, and it arrived without the sauce it normally has so it was dry and weird. I order it because I don't have to ask for modifications, and I could feel myself flipping out when the waiter finally returned and I asked for the sauce. It wasn't my finest moment.

Now the odd thing is that I had a pretty good day today and last week, so why does my anger get so extreme? Any armchair psychologists out there should feel free to chime in.

The good stuff:

• After the harassment training, the boss of the guy who said the inappropriate thing came to talk to me to explain how the comment was used in their group. Of all things, it was an in-joke that meant the exact opposite. I don't know if that's the complete explanation, but it was probably the only way I could accept it when at the training I was thinking there might not be an appropriate way to use it. Part of the training covered how you should be careful with statements that can be misinterpreted by a casual audience, and how context is important. Too true.


• The weather here is fantasic. It's a wonderland. Sun, but not too much sun. Wind, but not too much wind. It's gorgeous. Worth the price of admission for sure. My brother's having similar loving feelings for his Texas digs right now too.


• I have some really good data which indicates I have a new process and with it, more understanding of an existing process. I've had a lot of freedom with the process development and it has been fun.


• I got a raise just yesterday. Not a giant one, but better than no raise. And likely reasonable for my group. Now to figure out how to get a really good one next year... I really need to work on being expert and productive beyond expectations in my little sphere of influence. I think this year I will have a good shot at that.


• Through the Freak blog, I found Robert Reich's blog and it is wonderful. Jenny Crusie posted fun pictures on her blog.


• I have good friends. And dating prospects. I talk to my family.

Really, does this seem like the day or week of someone carrying all this anger? Even hormonally, it's not the right time and I slept for 12 hours last night. I'm not on any weird medication. I drink a lot of water. Obama didn't win PA, but didn't lose miserably either. While there is a time to shout from the rooftops, not every situation requires that extreme and I need to make the message fit the situation. How to do that seems to escape me recently, however. And that makes me angry because I like to be reasonable.
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