Tilting at Windmills

This week when I drove to the farmers market after work, the proportion of "YES" to "NO" on 8 signs at a big intersection I pass through was way off in favor of yes. I bought my fruits and veggies and squash and my blood continued to boil. Instead of raging silently I decided to go talk to them. The staff at the arts council let me use a marker and a piece of paper to make a "NO H8" sign and tape it to my back.

Then I hied off, parked at the mall, and walked over to the corner and started confronting the haters. For some reason that happened to be really effective, I just walked right up to the kids in a block of maybe 10 people and asked why they were holding signs. "To say Yes to 8". "Why?" "To Protect Marriage." "From What?" Adults interceded. So I asked why they thought it was ok to take kids to a streetcorner to help them profess their hate. To a one they denied having any hate for gays. Uh huh. They just want to protect society from going to hell in a handbasket of perversion.

Well, what they call perversion, I call progress. If people weren't using the exact same arguments against gay marriage that they used against black people marrying white people, they might have a valid point. But as it is, they feel self righteous in denying other people rights they themselves are allowed. Intolerable. So I didn't change any of their minds, but I hope I planted the seed of doubt with the kids. And I was able to discuss with them, without screaming, but generally making enough of a pill of myself that I drove them off the corner. When they asked if prostitution should be legalized too I said yes. "Well obviously you're too far to the left for us to talk to." Uh, sure. And you're too far to the hate for me to like. They were particularly annoyed when I pointed out that laws that discriminate against differences in identity lead directly to things like the 15 year old cross dresser being shot to death in school two towns over a couple months ago, for being a little strange. Granted, when they left the majority of traffic had gone down, but I definitely think I hastened their departure.

Which left a very small handful of "No on H8" people left over. But hey, we were there. One of the more lucid H8ers came back to chat, sans sign. His primary argument, despite having a gay brother whose long term relationship he "tolerates" but does not "celebrate", was that if gay marriage is allowed, suddenly sons and fathers will be marrying. Well, Sons can't currently marry mothers, so why the fear? He also thinks that gay sex is risky for health. ALL sex is risky for health. And straight people can have oral and anal sex too. Oh, and the "it's unnatural" argument? There are twice as many gay people as redheads. Even if there were only one though, by virtue of existing, gays are as natural as any other person.

One person tried to ask me "if a six year old would prefer to live with his natural mom and dad or two dads". Then wouldn't listen if I asked if the natural mom and dad wanted to raise the child, were abusive, etc... saying I wouldn't answer his question as if his question was reasonable. He left when I insisted that there were more answers than just his two. What I should have said is, "If you asked a six year old if he wanted Cheetos for dinner, would he say yes? Should we then legislate that all kids should only have Cheetos for dinner?"

I can't say it helped anyone but me for me to go do that. But I was heartened that a kid coming by on a skateboard stopped to ask the calm h8ter how he thought kids of this generation would judge their parents for promoting intolerance. And another young woman with a rainbow flag came by.

I think that unless something is so dangerous that it causes immediate and lasting or fatal harm to the unwary, we should choose education over legislation for matters of personal choice - alcohol, cigarettes, other low toxicity drugs, and sexual choices. Things that need to be illegal (or extremely hard to get) are those things that cause immediate and lasting harm to the unwary, and behaviors that endanger or take advantage of people who have not or cannot give consent. Anything related to core identity, like sexual orientation or race, should be protected by law because we have shown time and again if differences are not legally protected, people who are different will be marginalized legally and socially. When people are protected legally, they become accepted socially.

And I can't see any downside to tolerating other people choosing what is best for their family, as long as they don't mandate what is best for me and mine.